It's CD14, 3rd month on fertility drugs.
I'm umming and ahhing about this months cycle. I took clomid on CDs 3-7 (late because my period arrived so early last month we had no drugs with us when we were away for the weekend). The last two cycles I could feel golf balls in my belly by cd10 or 11. Nothing doing this time round. I had a scan on cd11 and there were only two small follicles - around 12mm and 16mm - as well as a few teeny ones, and my lining was a measly 6mm. Usually I'm well into the 20mm stakes by now and my lining's about 8mm so Gynie thought I'd another few days to go yet.
He offered me another scan later in the week but I figured I'd know when I was about to Ovulate (cue Buddha belly), so he was happy for me to go ahead with TSI (Timed Sexual Intercourse - how romantic!). L and I decided on a relaxed, every-other-day approach and the last couple of days my belly has been seriously sore and is starting to swell. I don't think I've OV'd yet, but then again, you never know.... I might get back to you on that one.
This is possibly our last attempt with clomid. By now, I've read all the statistics, I've responded well, and I really should've been pregnant last time around - I could tell by the look on my Gynie's face when I told him it hadn't happened. I've a 40% chance of conceiving within the first three months of clomid so there is still a lot of hope on this cycle, but Gynie has said in his opinion it's time to move to IUI if this one doesn't work.
IUI....
IUI!!!!!
Yikes.... Mr Google was kept busy after that appointment!
The plan is to do injectibles to stimulate my follicles, and then a trigger, followed by insemination. Gynie feels the injectibles will thicken my lining more (better than the clomid) and this will give us a better shot. Oh well, nothing ventured, nothing gained!
So I guess I almost feel like this cycle is over already and have been thinking about the next step. I am reading up, discussing, thinking, debating IUI, statistics and all. Once you get on this rollercoaster of TTC it seems to take on a life of it's own, and I just follow, relieved that we are at least doing something now.
On that last note, I do feel we are fighting "proper" infertility now, if there is such a thing. Up to now, I've been feeling it's a mixture of bad luck and not trying hard enough. But honestly, how hard do you have to try after all these months? We've done the meds and they haven't worked (so far), and we're moving on to ART.
A year ago I was just one of "those women" who was probably seen as obsessing about TTC and was worrying about nothing; now we are gearing up for the most invasive treatment yet, and in all likelihood will be moving to IVF if our three attempts at IUI are not a blast.
And yet, all of this comes at a premium. We have paid to have this treatment, see this consultant, start these meds etc... The NHS saw us almost a year ago, gave us a clean bill of health and told us to go away for a year and get pregnant. Emmm, well that didn't quite work...
So really, we should still be waiting patiently for our next follow-up to discuss the next step (NHS consultant suggested possibly clomid if nothing had happened by Jan 08). And we realise how fortunate we are that we have the funds there for me to see my own gynie privately. I was going stir-crazy when no one wanted to know. I couldn't take month after month of hope, then despair, then hope again...
This month I received that follow-up appointment from the NHS; I'm back at the clinic in two weeks time for a review. I'm still going along to it because I want to tell the consultant how far we've come:
"Remember you told us you'd think about clomid in a year's time... well, we've been there, done that..."
(There's still a part of the Optimistic Me who hopes to add "AND HEY! Guess what?! We're pregnant - from clomid - after all!!!")
Private thoughts
Part of me regrets that we've had to do this privately. And part of me is relieved also. With the NHS, we should only be thinking about starting drugs sometime in the near future, so that iui, and ivf and all those other options would still be pipedreams. As it stands, we may possibly have our longed-for baby in the next 12 months or so.... or at least be far closer to it than if we were going public.
I hate that the system works that way, and I am so angry for all those other women who are just like me but can't afford to do what we are doing.
It's so unfair. But I thank God every day that we don't have to wait.
Thursday, 17 January 2008
Monday, 7 January 2008
Happy New Year!
Welcome, welcome 2008!
I am looking forward - somewhat - to the coming 12 months. I am tirelessly optimistic. I even managed not to cry on New Year's Day - a first for me as I am often tearful when I consider my previous years existence!
2007 was a great success for me professionally - I am now working regularly as a Criminologist and finished the year with some positive news; a new 18-month contract on another research project, hurray! I am also one third of the way through my current course, a qualification in teaching in higher education, with great feedback so far.
2007 has also been another wonderful year with L. We have had numerous fun nights, both in and out, spent lots of time with friends and family, had plenty of holidays - the last of which was on the other side of the world! - and our relationship has grown and been stronger with each passing month. We are very happy together.
2008 offers us the possibility of increasing that happiness.
I have just started my third month of infertility treatment and am as confident and positive as I could possibly be. There is still oodles of hope, and there is plenty of time, so I refuse to feel anything less than confident. We are on Day 4 of my cycle so, who knows, this time next month could be expecting our first babe!
Happy New Year
GGxx
I am looking forward - somewhat - to the coming 12 months. I am tirelessly optimistic. I even managed not to cry on New Year's Day - a first for me as I am often tearful when I consider my previous years existence!
2007 was a great success for me professionally - I am now working regularly as a Criminologist and finished the year with some positive news; a new 18-month contract on another research project, hurray! I am also one third of the way through my current course, a qualification in teaching in higher education, with great feedback so far.
2007 has also been another wonderful year with L. We have had numerous fun nights, both in and out, spent lots of time with friends and family, had plenty of holidays - the last of which was on the other side of the world! - and our relationship has grown and been stronger with each passing month. We are very happy together.
2008 offers us the possibility of increasing that happiness.
I have just started my third month of infertility treatment and am as confident and positive as I could possibly be. There is still oodles of hope, and there is plenty of time, so I refuse to feel anything less than confident. We are on Day 4 of my cycle so, who knows, this time next month could be expecting our first babe!
Happy New Year
GGxx
Monday, 10 December 2007
Desperate for an immaculate conception...
I've had better weeks. Things have been going from bad to fecking worse the last couple of days and I'm finding it really hard to keep my head above water lately.
Today/tomorrow our 30th cycle ttc will have ended and I am losing sight of us ever getting there. Our 30th cycle ends pretty much like all the rest; anticipation, hope, and eventually failure.
I'm so worn out, tired and emotional from all of this, I can't even express myself properly. All I know is, we are both so sad and we are running out of options. We have a couple of cycles of clomid left and then we have to start thinking about ivf ...
I can't stop crying these days as yet more and more friends and family announce their good news. Tis the season to be jolly? I can't think happy thoughts about Christmas. All I want - all we want - for Christmas, is the one thing we just can't have and there is no rhyme or reason for it.
And to top it all, I think our lack of a baby is making people feel awkward around us. In fact, I know that people dread telling me they are pregnant, and there's nothing I can do to make that better. I wish to goodness I could be really happy when people tell us their news - and I am happy for them of course - but I also feel so full of despair and desperation for our own situation at the same time, that their happiness is always tinged with my/our own sadness. I have hidden too many tears these last few weeks, and shed too many also.
Every time someone tells me they are pregnant, I mentally count the months til their due date and tell myself that maybe, just maybe, by the time their baby comes along I'll be pregnant. Then I'll be fine. But I have gone from one friends pregnancy, to anothers, and anothers and anothers... and no, I haven't lost count - I have plenty of baby announcement cards to remind me of their happy events - and we have never managed it. When my friend told me in September that she was due in February, I felt SO SO sure that we would be pregnant by then - we were just starting out on clomid and I was convinced it would work first time. But it didn't, or the second time, and we haven't managed to get pregnant this month either.
And I'm fast running out of opportunities before February so I have had to resolve myself that it won't happen by then. But now there are other babies due in April, May and June... surely we could be pregnant before then, couldn't we? Frankly, I'm not feeling so confident about that either right now.
Plus, I think people are acting like we're doing it wrong or something, by not being pregnant yet. It's almost like "well, you can't be doing it right, otherwise it'd happen by now" or "you've just got to have more sex". AHHH!!! So I would like to take this opportunity right now to say we are doing it right, thank you very much, and we are having lots and lots of sex, thank you also for your interest, now please feck off and mind your own business!!
I pulled out my gynie paperwork tonight and looked over our test results from the last few months and they are all "perfect". There is absolutely nothing wrong with the numbers, the results, the figures. Everything is so-called perfect; and yet we still cannot conceive.
I'm just finding it really hard to conceive of us ever conceiving... Praying for a miracle
GG
Today/tomorrow our 30th cycle ttc will have ended and I am losing sight of us ever getting there. Our 30th cycle ends pretty much like all the rest; anticipation, hope, and eventually failure.
I'm so worn out, tired and emotional from all of this, I can't even express myself properly. All I know is, we are both so sad and we are running out of options. We have a couple of cycles of clomid left and then we have to start thinking about ivf ...
I can't stop crying these days as yet more and more friends and family announce their good news. Tis the season to be jolly? I can't think happy thoughts about Christmas. All I want - all we want - for Christmas, is the one thing we just can't have and there is no rhyme or reason for it.
And to top it all, I think our lack of a baby is making people feel awkward around us. In fact, I know that people dread telling me they are pregnant, and there's nothing I can do to make that better. I wish to goodness I could be really happy when people tell us their news - and I am happy for them of course - but I also feel so full of despair and desperation for our own situation at the same time, that their happiness is always tinged with my/our own sadness. I have hidden too many tears these last few weeks, and shed too many also.
Every time someone tells me they are pregnant, I mentally count the months til their due date and tell myself that maybe, just maybe, by the time their baby comes along I'll be pregnant. Then I'll be fine. But I have gone from one friends pregnancy, to anothers, and anothers and anothers... and no, I haven't lost count - I have plenty of baby announcement cards to remind me of their happy events - and we have never managed it. When my friend told me in September that she was due in February, I felt SO SO sure that we would be pregnant by then - we were just starting out on clomid and I was convinced it would work first time. But it didn't, or the second time, and we haven't managed to get pregnant this month either.
And I'm fast running out of opportunities before February so I have had to resolve myself that it won't happen by then. But now there are other babies due in April, May and June... surely we could be pregnant before then, couldn't we? Frankly, I'm not feeling so confident about that either right now.
Plus, I think people are acting like we're doing it wrong or something, by not being pregnant yet. It's almost like "well, you can't be doing it right, otherwise it'd happen by now" or "you've just got to have more sex". AHHH!!! So I would like to take this opportunity right now to say we are doing it right, thank you very much, and we are having lots and lots of sex, thank you also for your interest, now please feck off and mind your own business!!
I pulled out my gynie paperwork tonight and looked over our test results from the last few months and they are all "perfect". There is absolutely nothing wrong with the numbers, the results, the figures. Everything is so-called perfect; and yet we still cannot conceive.
I'm just finding it really hard to conceive of us ever conceiving... Praying for a miracle
GG
Wednesday, 28 November 2007
Frustration and Hope
I shouldn't have been so bloody happy; I should've seen this coming...
The twin torments, Frustration and Hope, paid me a visit at 5.30 this morning. Thankfully, they didn't wake L, at least initially.
Of course, Frustration arrived first; huffing and puffing, stomping around my room, snarling, red hair billowing, muscles shining, with something of the amazonian woman in her stance. She stomped and clenched and stormed and generally made much of a fuss as she woke me from my slumber.
"WHY does it have to be ME? Why indeed US? Why can't we have a baby??? Why will nothing work? Why! Why? WHY?!? IT'S NOT FAIR!!!" she thundered. I could only agree with her. It carried on for some time.... "How long do we have to wait? What have we done to be punished this way? Why can't we just be NORMAL?!?!?!"
Just when I was thinking I would never fall back asleep and the tears began, in wafted Hope. In fact, she glided in, clothes lithe and flowing, hair long and soft, face gentle. "Hush hush" she softly said. "Out with you.."
There was a bit of a tussle between her and Frustration but eventually Frustration stomped off, looking for somewhere else to vent at 6am. No doubt she'll be back.
Hope softened, touched, cuddled, soothed. "It WILL happen, you have to believe it. It WILL happen." Her mantra itself could put me to sleep. She was dream-like, blithe, effervescent. "This is our month; this is it. It WILL happen. You have to BELIEVE it."
She shushed and comforted and soothed me, gentle hands across my brow, gentle thoughts to slow my beating heart, comfort, comfort.
"It WILL happen".
And so I fell back asleep for a time. Frustration and Hope had come and gone, in equal measures.
Of course, now I worry their cousin Despair may put in an appearance some time soon. There's only so much a girl can cope with, and banshee-like wailing and flailing is not a pleasant thought.
I shouldn't have been so bloody happy; I should've seen this coming...
The twin torments, Frustration and Hope, paid me a visit at 5.30 this morning. Thankfully, they didn't wake L, at least initially.
Of course, Frustration arrived first; huffing and puffing, stomping around my room, snarling, red hair billowing, muscles shining, with something of the amazonian woman in her stance. She stomped and clenched and stormed and generally made much of a fuss as she woke me from my slumber.
"WHY does it have to be ME? Why indeed US? Why can't we have a baby??? Why will nothing work? Why! Why? WHY?!? IT'S NOT FAIR!!!" she thundered. I could only agree with her. It carried on for some time.... "How long do we have to wait? What have we done to be punished this way? Why can't we just be NORMAL?!?!?!"
Just when I was thinking I would never fall back asleep and the tears began, in wafted Hope. In fact, she glided in, clothes lithe and flowing, hair long and soft, face gentle. "Hush hush" she softly said. "Out with you.."
There was a bit of a tussle between her and Frustration but eventually Frustration stomped off, looking for somewhere else to vent at 6am. No doubt she'll be back.
Hope softened, touched, cuddled, soothed. "It WILL happen, you have to believe it. It WILL happen." Her mantra itself could put me to sleep. She was dream-like, blithe, effervescent. "This is our month; this is it. It WILL happen. You have to BELIEVE it."
She shushed and comforted and soothed me, gentle hands across my brow, gentle thoughts to slow my beating heart, comfort, comfort.
"It WILL happen".
And so I fell back asleep for a time. Frustration and Hope had come and gone, in equal measures.
Of course, now I worry their cousin Despair may put in an appearance some time soon. There's only so much a girl can cope with, and banshee-like wailing and flailing is not a pleasant thought.
I shouldn't have been so bloody happy; I should've seen this coming...
Monday, 24 September 2007
The Teacher and the Student
Just a wee update from me; the weeks are flying by and I've found it difficult to keep up with posting. It was hard enough before but now I have taken on a Postgrad Certificate to keep me busy, I have even less time available than before. I am doing an officially recognised qualification for teaching in higher education so yet again I am the Student. There is a lot to read and plenty to learn but I'm looking forward to it.
I am still not pregnant, but we remain positive and we keep trying. What else can we do? I'm not about to just give up, am I?
I'm also off the booze again, just for a couple of weeks. I don't feel remarkably different to before, I'm still tired a lot (a side effect of my current medication, I suspect) but at least I haven't woken up with a dozy head in a while....
The weeks are getting busier and busier but there is light at the end of the tunnel. Teaching starts again at the beginning of October, so that's an extra 3-4 hours per week to fit in, but one of my research projects also finishes up around the end of October, so the teaching can fill that gap: financially as much as anything else!
Our main project is going well; we are in the midst of analysing the quantitative and qualitative data from the questionnaires and it is time-consuming and, sometimes, tedious, but we're slowly getting there and it's coming together well. I hope to present a paper on some of the findings in the new year, I'm just not sure what angle I'm going to take as yet. I need to give it some thought (when I get a chance to).
In three weeks time we're heading off to Kent for what will hopefully be a romantic, tranquil weekend away. Can't wait. We have booked a beautiful little cottage by the coast and are planning on beach walks, strolls round town, cosy dinners and snuggling up together afterwards. Bliss.
Chances are my next post will be after that; but I'll try to drop in more often
GGx
I am still not pregnant, but we remain positive and we keep trying. What else can we do? I'm not about to just give up, am I?
I'm also off the booze again, just for a couple of weeks. I don't feel remarkably different to before, I'm still tired a lot (a side effect of my current medication, I suspect) but at least I haven't woken up with a dozy head in a while....
The weeks are getting busier and busier but there is light at the end of the tunnel. Teaching starts again at the beginning of October, so that's an extra 3-4 hours per week to fit in, but one of my research projects also finishes up around the end of October, so the teaching can fill that gap: financially as much as anything else!
Our main project is going well; we are in the midst of analysing the quantitative and qualitative data from the questionnaires and it is time-consuming and, sometimes, tedious, but we're slowly getting there and it's coming together well. I hope to present a paper on some of the findings in the new year, I'm just not sure what angle I'm going to take as yet. I need to give it some thought (when I get a chance to).
In three weeks time we're heading off to Kent for what will hopefully be a romantic, tranquil weekend away. Can't wait. We have booked a beautiful little cottage by the coast and are planning on beach walks, strolls round town, cosy dinners and snuggling up together afterwards. Bliss.
Chances are my next post will be after that; but I'll try to drop in more often
GGx
Monday, 3 September 2007
I've lost count...
I thought Friday was a tough one but Saturday went one - no, make that TWO - better.
Two more of our close friends were both on the phone within an hour of each other telling me they are pregnant. I was, and still am, delighted for them but just felt so so awful afterwards. It was more than I could bear. Our plans for the day went out the window as I really couldn't face going out and I ended up weeping at home for most of the afternoon.
I wish this would all just stop now.
I've done my penance and I'd really appreciate a break.
Please can we have a baby? Is it too much to ask?
Two more of our close friends were both on the phone within an hour of each other telling me they are pregnant. I was, and still am, delighted for them but just felt so so awful afterwards. It was more than I could bear. Our plans for the day went out the window as I really couldn't face going out and I ended up weeping at home for most of the afternoon.
I wish this would all just stop now.
I've done my penance and I'd really appreciate a break.
Please can we have a baby? Is it too much to ask?
Friday, 31 August 2007
Three's a crowd
I am having a fairly crappy baby-day. One of those ones that starts out fine, things plod along as normal, and then WHAM! you get hit with one baby-news after another. I know I should stop feeling sorry for myself and just get on with it, but it sucks, so excuse me if I get it all out of my system and vent a little.
This morning we visited my lovely new gynie at Queen Charlotte's. I had a scan and the news was all good; two follicles - one teeny tiny one and one nice big 17mm one - and "perfect" lining in my uterus. My blood results are back and everything is normal and as it should be.
Whooopppeeeee.... time to start baby-making. Again.
That's the thing of it; all the news is good, as it is, I presume, every other month, and we're still here trying month after month for a baby. Will it ever happen? Is it more frustrating to know everything is normal and still you don't conceive, or to know something is wrong and you can't conceive? I'm not sure I'll ever be faced with the answer to this. But for me, to know that all is "as it should be" means I will get my hopes up, build up my aspirations and end up dreaming about being pregnant before this cycle is out... and most likely all for nothing.
The fall down is so much further and more painful when you've allowed yourself to climb to such dumb heights in the first place.
But I was on a high this morning; good scan, nice doc, the traffic was being kind all the way to work. Hey, it's even a Friday so here comes the weekend! I had two meetings set up in the office today. In the first meeting, with my mentor who is a lovely man, we were engrossed in a very interesting chat about research, funding and my possible future at the university; all good stuff. His phone rang and he apologised and answered it. His voice and his face said it all. His daughter, who had been married a few months ago, was on the line telling him she was pregnant. He was delighted. She was delighted. Wonderful news. He hung up and apologised, and said I could probably guess what it was about. I mumbled some congratulations and tried to make light of it;
ME: "Is this their first?"
HIM: "Yeah, but she's been very broody so we knew it wouldn't be long"...
ME: Long silence while I bite my tongue...
while inside my head a voice is screaming "BUT I'M BROODY TOO ... WHY NOT ME? WHEN WILL IT BE ME?!?!"
His phone rang again and it was his wife, hugely excited at the news.... I could almost picture my parents having the same conversation one day... maybe.
Then my phone rang and I excused myself and took the call outside; it was good news - my doc ringing to tell me my tests were all fine. Great. See you in a month, then. Back in infertility land again.
I went straight from that meeting over to another in a separate building, where baby number 2 was. This time it was a lovely little eight-week old girl - my colleague brought her in as she hadn't a babysitter to cover our meeting. She was lovely; I got a little cuddle; brought some presents and we basically oohed and ahhhed over the baby while discussing continuous professional development issues and our project's completion date.
My colleague joked to me: "You're not getting broody, are you?"
I didn't even have the strength to joke back, I just replied something along the lines of "We'd love a baby but it hasn't happened... been trying for a coupla years..." and let the conversation drop. When she asked what we were going to do about it and I mumbled something incomprehensible, she very sensitively left it at that and got back to discussing the merits of pram versus sling...
So eventually I slinked back to the security of my office and opened up my emails. Lots of work to do before I head home. Thinking: I'll just check my private ones before I get down to the nitty-gritty. And there it was; baby incident number 3. I had sent an old work colleague an email yesterday wishing her well for her new life, and asking how her wedding had been last month. She sent me a lovely long reply, along with pictures of their wedding and telling me how happy she was. And then she hit me - BAM! - "you might've noticed I've put on a bit of weight lately; I am 18 weeks pregnant"
I haven't yet got round to composing the right kind of reply.
Is nowhere safe? Not the office, not email, definitely not the street with all those prams and buggies about the place... Is there nowhere safe for an infertile like me to go and hide for a few hours? While I think about having sex tonight because the doc said so? Did all these people just have babies because they wanted to? Did it just happen naturally, normally, accidentally?
My dear mentor was so excited about being a grandad he started telling me about "this time 30 years ago" when he and his wife hadn't been too careful, and she thought she was pregnant - he'd had to take her sample to the chemist for the result, and how happy he was coming back to the office and telling everyone... Do people really still do that?
And if they do, could they just, please, not tell me about it.... Not until Monday at least, when we will have done our bit and I can move on to the hope and naivity of the two-week-wait until my period's due.
GG
This morning we visited my lovely new gynie at Queen Charlotte's. I had a scan and the news was all good; two follicles - one teeny tiny one and one nice big 17mm one - and "perfect" lining in my uterus. My blood results are back and everything is normal and as it should be.
Whooopppeeeee.... time to start baby-making. Again.
That's the thing of it; all the news is good, as it is, I presume, every other month, and we're still here trying month after month for a baby. Will it ever happen? Is it more frustrating to know everything is normal and still you don't conceive, or to know something is wrong and you can't conceive? I'm not sure I'll ever be faced with the answer to this. But for me, to know that all is "as it should be" means I will get my hopes up, build up my aspirations and end up dreaming about being pregnant before this cycle is out... and most likely all for nothing.
The fall down is so much further and more painful when you've allowed yourself to climb to such dumb heights in the first place.
But I was on a high this morning; good scan, nice doc, the traffic was being kind all the way to work. Hey, it's even a Friday so here comes the weekend! I had two meetings set up in the office today. In the first meeting, with my mentor who is a lovely man, we were engrossed in a very interesting chat about research, funding and my possible future at the university; all good stuff. His phone rang and he apologised and answered it. His voice and his face said it all. His daughter, who had been married a few months ago, was on the line telling him she was pregnant. He was delighted. She was delighted. Wonderful news. He hung up and apologised, and said I could probably guess what it was about. I mumbled some congratulations and tried to make light of it;
ME: "Is this their first?"
HIM: "Yeah, but she's been very broody so we knew it wouldn't be long"...
ME: Long silence while I bite my tongue...
while inside my head a voice is screaming "BUT I'M BROODY TOO ... WHY NOT ME? WHEN WILL IT BE ME?!?!"
His phone rang again and it was his wife, hugely excited at the news.... I could almost picture my parents having the same conversation one day... maybe.
Then my phone rang and I excused myself and took the call outside; it was good news - my doc ringing to tell me my tests were all fine. Great. See you in a month, then. Back in infertility land again.
I went straight from that meeting over to another in a separate building, where baby number 2 was. This time it was a lovely little eight-week old girl - my colleague brought her in as she hadn't a babysitter to cover our meeting. She was lovely; I got a little cuddle; brought some presents and we basically oohed and ahhhed over the baby while discussing continuous professional development issues and our project's completion date.
My colleague joked to me: "You're not getting broody, are you?"
I didn't even have the strength to joke back, I just replied something along the lines of "We'd love a baby but it hasn't happened... been trying for a coupla years..." and let the conversation drop. When she asked what we were going to do about it and I mumbled something incomprehensible, she very sensitively left it at that and got back to discussing the merits of pram versus sling...
So eventually I slinked back to the security of my office and opened up my emails. Lots of work to do before I head home. Thinking: I'll just check my private ones before I get down to the nitty-gritty. And there it was; baby incident number 3. I had sent an old work colleague an email yesterday wishing her well for her new life, and asking how her wedding had been last month. She sent me a lovely long reply, along with pictures of their wedding and telling me how happy she was. And then she hit me - BAM! - "you might've noticed I've put on a bit of weight lately; I am 18 weeks pregnant"
I haven't yet got round to composing the right kind of reply.
Is nowhere safe? Not the office, not email, definitely not the street with all those prams and buggies about the place... Is there nowhere safe for an infertile like me to go and hide for a few hours? While I think about having sex tonight because the doc said so? Did all these people just have babies because they wanted to? Did it just happen naturally, normally, accidentally?
My dear mentor was so excited about being a grandad he started telling me about "this time 30 years ago" when he and his wife hadn't been too careful, and she thought she was pregnant - he'd had to take her sample to the chemist for the result, and how happy he was coming back to the office and telling everyone... Do people really still do that?
And if they do, could they just, please, not tell me about it.... Not until Monday at least, when we will have done our bit and I can move on to the hope and naivity of the two-week-wait until my period's due.
GG
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