Bloody Infertility ...

There are times in your battle with infertility when you sit back, take time out, and just chill. You try not to let things bother you, you visit friends with babies, you may even look at cute kids in prams (without going 'Ouch!') and you just generally get on with life. You go out for dinners, drinks, go to parties, stay up late watching movies, have lie-ins on Sunday mornings (and Saturdays too if you want), have sex if and when you feel like it, and you generally enjoy being a couple together... Life feels good.

And then, whaddya know, it all comes back to bite you in the bum. Fecking infertility. It drives me mad. And it frustrates me, and it is just generally a pain in the ass.

I decided to go give blood today because it's been ages since my last donation, and it is, to be honest, something I've always felt a little guilty about not doing. So off I toddled to our local bank with a good book and volunteered myself. But they wouldn't take me. They couldn't take me. Because I'd had a laparoscopy recently. Pah! I have to wait at least six months since the lap before they will let me donate. The thing is, I feel fine, I've lost weight, I'm eating well and still they can't take my blood. And I'm not blaming them, I'm just bloody annoyed that stupid infertility has stopped me doing something I really wanted to do. Again.

It feels sometimes like IF takes over every little part of your life, well, my life. As a woman, you have to time holidays to fit round tests, you have to book appointments around work, you can't give blood if you've had surgery (fair enough I know, but I still blame infertility!), you have to watch what you eat, what you drink, what you do, you spend your free time surfing the internet for details on any and all forms of infertility, or else you're chasing specialists and gynie appointments... and all that is before you even start thinking about the effect it has on you emotionally. You avoid friends, you avoid family, you hate going to places where there's an abundance of prams, mothers, babies... you name it, you avoid it. You're sick of buying bloody folic acid and you're fed up with the whole rigmarole.

Right now, thanks to some silly insignificant thing like trying to give blood, all those emotions rouse up inside me and I'm fed up all over again.

I hate this bloody thing.

Ohhhh.... but it feels better just to let it all out. Thanks for listening.

And as for the lap? Well, it was fine, nothing wrong with me. Unexplained Infertility is the latest diagnosis.

Whoopee...